February Horoscoopes

Abigail L., Distribution


Aries (March 20th – April 19th): You will find yourself dreaming about running half a marathon (thirteen miles) and winning second place. If you hadn’t tripped, you probably would have gotten first place.

Taurus (April 20th – May 20th): Valentine’s Day is near and you are going to realize your all-time crush has only thought of you as a friend since the third grade.

Gemini (May 21st – June 20th): An old lady will come up to you at the store and scold you randomly, thinking that you are her grandson or granddaughter.

Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd): You will have a nightmare of unicorns eating all of your food but later on daydream about Obama blessing your presence.

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd): People will compliment your sense of humor and your cheerfulness. Most people like being around you, so you will find yourself being surrounded by multiple people.

Virgo (August 23rd – September 23rd): A close friend will admit their feelings for you but won’t talk to you for a while, because he/she is embarrassed and uncertain about what you might think.

Libra (September 24th – October 22nd): This Valentine’s Day you will ask out your all-time crush and end up being rejected in front of all of your friends, but later on someone is going to randomly hug you.

Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st): One of your friends will dare you to do something drastic, and being the brave soul you are, you will do the dare. Then right after, you are going to sprain your arm.

Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 22nd): Instead of trying to find a date for Valentine’s Day, you will find yourself spending time with your friends. While out, one of your friends will tell you a big secret of theirs.

Capricorn (December 23rd – January 19th):  A dog will come up to you happily, tail wagging, tongue out, everything. But the dog will release chocolate chips on your shoes while you’re petting it.

Aquarius (January 20th – February 19th): You are probably going to pee yourself in front of your crush and ruin all chances with him/her.

Pisces (February 18th – March 20th): Your parents and siblings (if you have any) will leave you home alone to watch The Office for 5 hours straight.