Not the Hero We Deserve, but the Hero We Need

Vermin Supreme: The Only Candidate Bringing us the Pony Poop


Nathan W.

Let me get straight to the point.  Neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump are fit to be president.  Hillary Clinton is dishonest and untrustworthy, and Donald Trump lacks a filter and can be sexist and racist.  If neither should be president, then who should?  Well, the clear choice is Vermin Supreme.  Vermin Supreme is currently  part of the Libertarian Party, but he has been affiliated with both Democratic and Republican parties.  Although Vermin Supreme may seem like a normal candidate, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  According to Supreme, as elected president, he will provide a free pony to every American.  By doing this, Vermin Supreme hopes to solve many issues.  This free-pony-platform will create a massive amount of jobs and will lower unemployment rates; and by extracting methane gas from the enormous amount of “pony waste” created, we can lower our dependence on foreign gases.  The pony poop can also be turned into compost, which according to Supreme, it will enable us to “re-up our soil that is being depleted by agrochemicals.”  On top of all of this, we will be switching over to a pony based economy and will be required to carry our ponies around with us at all times.  This is because the free ponies are part of a federal pony identification program.  Vermin Supreme will also be implementing a mandatory tooth brushing law which means that you will legally have to brush your teeth.  It also means that you will never have to smell bad breath ever again, which would probably be the best thing a president has ever done for America.  Vermin Supreme also plans on constructing giant turbines and harnessing the power of zombies to produce electricity.  Brains will be dangled in front of the zombies and as they try to get them, they will turn the turbine and create energy.  On top of all of this, Vermin Supreme  often wears a giant boot as a hat and in 2006, he donated a kidney to save his mother’s life.  So, in the words of Vermin Supreme “ Vote early, vote often.   Remember, a vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote completely thrown away.”